For the Love of Charity! The Economics of Parasitism
By Croydon Hounslow

This morning, as I emerged blinking from Chancery Lane station on my way to work, I was confronted by a young lady sporting a nylon tunic emblazoned with the words ‘Every Child’ and a fat clipboard full of Direct Debit forms. As I approached, she began to play out some ridiculous dumb show of desperation worthy of the sad clown in a cut-price circus and entreating myself and the guy walking immediately ahead of me to “Pleeeeeease stop and talk to me!” in pathetic, ‘can-I-have-a-pony-Daddy?’ tones. In response to her transparent and two dimensional plea, I fixed on my best chugger-proof thousand yard stare (they can’t catch your eye if you look through them!) and trundled blithely on. My fellow pedestrian, however, felt no such need for reserve in his response, calling out loudly “there’s a good reason why no-one’s talking to you, love, it’s because you’re a f***ing parasite!”

A crass and imbalanced response to a kind-hearted soul trying to make a difference, you might say; a callous dismissal of the efforts of a good, honest individual to make a difference to the cruel world we live in? Not so, say I! Let us take a moment to examine the economics of this new, self-made industry sector and see if there might actually be some mileage in this young man’s claim.